Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
