I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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