Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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