dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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