just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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