Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
