i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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