I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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