Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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