It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That's when you crack a 10am beer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
