We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
