White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
