So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize