She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
