i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
