I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
