just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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