My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
