he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
