Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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