She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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