I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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