i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
