just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
