Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
