Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
