Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
