Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
