what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
