I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Two words: nipple clamps
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