Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
