College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
