it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
