I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
