I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She bit a glass in half.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
