Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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