I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize