Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
