i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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