I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
God I need to hump something, right now.
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