Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
