i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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