If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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