I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
