DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
