then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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