He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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