At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think my moral compass just broke
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