If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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