One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
