I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
another moral hangover. fuck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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